How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
