I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
