I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
