You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
