If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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