So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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