he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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