i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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