You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
