i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
