you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
