If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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