Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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