well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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