watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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