your parents love me but you hate me
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
