Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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