I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
