I met the friendliest cop last night
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Is it because I queefed?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
