do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
