My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
