i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
