is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
