hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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