so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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