I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
