So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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