I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
