This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
