I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
