nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
