In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Mom said you looked used
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
