I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
