i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
