I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
