yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
