it was like fucking gandolphs beard
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
