Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
