My hand turned me down
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
