Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
