so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
