What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
