Rock
Scissors
Fuck
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
