very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
