I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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