I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
