i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
