Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
