her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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