Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
