dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
