So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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