When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
