Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
