I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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